We all have felt it, the bubbling of rage, the frustration, the resentment yet we silence it, we push it down by gritting our teeth and getting on with it.
We then hold onto that anger, we feel it bubbling away beneath the surface constantly, we feel the heat, the triggers, the pressure and steam, we try to contain it until we can't no more.
I hold a lot of anger and resentment, I hold onto past pain and it's something I'm still working on, I've held onto the anger of losing my dad, not being heard as teen with a chronic illness, not being emotionally held as a child (or adult), I've resented people and how they treated me, I've been angry at myself for letting myself be treated badly, for regrets and my own frustrations of life.
It's normal, life is painful.
I learnt to silence my rage from a young age, I wasn't free to express my pain and anger, that it was bad, that I was crazy, naughty, stupid for letting my anger roar. I was mad at not being taken seriously, misunderstood and the more I was told to calm down and the more my anger wasn't heard, the more my anger screamed. My anger, my pain, my feelings were ignored.....I didn't want to be calm, I didn't want to talk quietly about it, I wanted to let it all out but instead I kept it quiet. I kept it contained, I smiled even though I felt the burn of rage under my skin..and it hurt me..liver issues, throat issues, jaw issues and muscle pain, even now the anger is still strong, creating this pressure in my chest of pure anger and pain of the past, of not being heard or not being held, this is the midst of me healing my abandonment wound, the pain and hurt of my inner little girl and inner teenager. I am learning to release it safely but like all healing it isn't quick or easy.
Maybe you feel the same?
That you're not heard and your feelings, especially anger isn't respected?
Anger to me is the most powerful emotion, when you feel anger- you feel deep pain and to be told to calm down is adding fuel to the fire.
You want someone to hold space for you as you let it roar and scream.
It's nothing about wanting a fight, blaming others (even if they did you wrong) or needing answers, it's about being SEEN, HEARD and UNDERSTOOD.
It's a deep cry to be HELD, NURTURED and LOVED.
As women we are told not to get angry, it's un lady like, well fuck that! Women are human, we hurt, we cry and we feel pain and we have the right to express it all; the raw, the messy, the most painful and to express it freely and safely.
Feel it,,,, all of it....it runs deep anger...layers upon layers of memories of not being heard..let it all out. typing is my outlet,,,, I type my anger, the rage and fire, I don't try to make it make sense I just bash the keys as the tears pour down my face and type until I feel the pain lessen, I get it all out, the hate, the swearing, the pain... it's a way of it leaving my mind, relaxing my body and getting my feelings out there without conflict and judgement.
Can you let it all out?
Journal these prompts if you feel guided to.
What anger are you suppressing?
How is it showing up in your life, in your body?
What triggers your anger?
What is the root of the trigger? (not being seen, heard, unloved, abandoned?)
How can you hold yourself as you release the fire and pain?
Anger can be scary, we view anger as bad, harmful and violence, unfortunately yes, many have seen and been on the receiving end of harmful anger. sometimes I'm scared myself at how angry I can get, but here I want to help you release your anger in a healthy way, just release it....as soon as you can, don't let it boil within you.
I also pillow punch or box...anger needs movement, it needs to be free. it's why children tantrum, it's why there's violence in the world we aren't taught how to release it healthily, safely or even that its a valid normal emotion, it's time for that to change.
How can you safely move anger through you?
RELEASE PRACTICE.
When you are able to release your anger safely alone, take some pillows and sit on the floor.
Take a few deep breaths and tell your body you are safe to move this anger out from your body.
Think of your root cause of the anger that you are holding onto and let it surface, let it hurt, let the pain be seen, now let it out.
Do what you need to do- scream, pillow punch, kick, cry, tantrum - let your body guide you.
keep going- keep going until you are exhausted, until there is nothing left, until you feel a shift of energy within you. This will be a light feeling, where you suddenly feel different.
Then take a pillow and a blanket and cuddle the pillow, rest, comfort your inner child and let the energy settle.
Repeat this as often as you need.
Anger is your messenger, look deep, what is it telling you?
Don't run from the fire, face it.
Call it out,
let it out,
until there is nothing more than ashes.
Beneath the fire, when there is nothing left but ashes, you will see that your anger was in fact a form of grief, sadness, abandonment or fear, so look deep into the flames of your rage, find the emotion, the memory and the why, as it is only then you can take the next step of nurturing your heart, healing and releasing the pain.
Love
Donna